...on edge

i know i'm spoiled, being able to hear from him every couple of days. i'm just so on edge... i haven't heard from him in a week. that's not like him... even if he had nothing to talk about, he'd still call to let me know that he's okay.
maybe he got moved to where he doesn't have access to a phone. maybe they don't have interent where he is, either. maybe he's just been really busy, and not had time for me. if that's the case, that's fine... i'm going to call his parents sometime soon to ask them if they've heard from him. if they have, i'm going to stop stressing... at least he called someone to let them know he's alright. i'd rather it be them than me... i know my place.
i'm just so fucking worried... i love him so much, and it kills me to know that he's in harm's way. i would do anything to see him home safe. i keep telling myself that God would not put the two of us together, make us as happy as we are, and then tear it apart like a voided check so soon. that wouldn't be right... it would be downright cruel. i know God isn't in this damned war, but He has to be protecting someone. i just hope it's brian. i know that makes me selfish, wanting my main squeeze to come home safe to me... but i love him more than i could ever say. he has made me so ridiculously happy... now that we're together, i can't imagine life apart.
this fucking deployment is tearing my heart out... but i know that at the end, it will have been worth it. he is so worth it. i just keep praying that he'll make it through. if anything happened to him, i doubt i would be able to function. i don't even want to think about it.
a friend posted something on his blog the other day that made me cry. not the simple, benign tears that can be wiped away by any well-wishing friend, but the bitter, stinging tears that burn as they roll down your cheek and into your lap. it made me realize how worried i am about him, and how much i just want to hold him. i don't know what i would do if i couldn't hold him again. i won't think about it. i can't.
to anyone who reads this, keep brian in your prayers. even if you don't know him, or me... any prayer is heard and appreciated. even if you just pushed the "next blog" button and happened to read this desperate post, please say a short prayer for my best friend.
he has to come home.
he has to.