a more mature blog than in previous years

i am alive. i am good, actually. i am finding joy in life, although the cynic in me says i have nothing to be joyful about. the cynic tells me that i should be depressed. my boyfriend is in iraq, i am $11,000 in debt, i have no cosigner for next semester's loans, i don't know where i am going to school next year, and i am beginning to have bills to pay. life piles up when you're not looking.

that's okay. things will work out. there is joy in this. i have found it.

optimism and joy are two different things. do not confuse the two. optimism gets you through shallow experiences. optimism allows you to find that silver lining. sometimes, though, there is no silver lining. then where does optimism leave you? it leaves you cold and alone.

joy is deeper. joy is truer. joy is knowing that God is somewhere in everything. it isn't finding Him; it is knowing that He's there. i am not intelligent enough to define joy. cs lewis was close. he never made it. he was content in knowing that he couldn't define a gift from God.

life is good... i hear from brian every few days. he seems to be doing alright. i am excited for next semester, although i know it will be a lot of work. we'll see what kind of ethic i will develop. i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up, but i'm growing up fast. i frustrate myself.

"pay no mind to taunts or advances, i'm gonna take my chances on everyday."

i have come to appreciate the value of Love in my life. all we need is Love.

peace